One more day

                I wrote the post characterizing my SSS over three months ago and now re-reading what I wrote when I first realized that I had SSS, I can’t help but smile and congratulate myself. I did something I wanted for a change, no matter how horrifying. I did what I suggested, I said “fuck you” to fear and I made a plan and committed to it. I’m going to India tomorrow...

                When I wrote that self-discovering post, something was born from my fingertips into these laptop keys and out to the universe. My desires were obvious, my fear was blatant, and the need to do something about it would no longer hide its adventurous little head any longer. At the time I had a career building job, an apartment, and no plan whatsoever. I was operating off of a simple feeling that something just wasn’t right. I learned something valuable: a feeling is all you need and it wants to be acknowledged and trusted. To not trust it would be to not trust yourself and I can’t imagine anything worse than that.

                Now, I find myself without a job, my belongings in storage, my bed at my Mom’s house, an Indian visa in my hand, and I can’t stop smiling. Shortly after realizing that I had SSS, a lovely woman used the phrase “ just follow the sparkle dust” in response to my tangent about how stuck my life felt at the time. That phrase was like a beautiful punch in the face. One of my biggest problems is that I tend to overthink instead of feel what I desire from my life. I made a decision after that moment to live my life in a manner in which I constantly chase after and follow anything that is covered in sparkle dust. When I sat and felt about it instead of thinking about it I realized that there were two things that had sparkle dust all over them for me. Lending a hand and a heart to orphans and a majestic country called India. Thus, I leave for India in three days to both explore and volunteer in an orphanage.

                Though India has been whispering my name for a long time, I don’t have many expectations of my experience with her. I call India her because her energy is so maternal and nurturing. I believe that part of what this adventure will have in store for me will be to finish getting healthy (well, as healthy as a human can be) and to nurture myself while I nurture others.