Rain, rain, go away....

                Apparently the monsoon officially hit yesterday. Not only is the power off about half of the time but this also means that every time I leave my house in my raincoat and carrying my umbrella, I still get soaking wet. I walk everywhere here and am just trying to accept and get used to the fact that I will just be damp for the next two and a half weeks. Good thing I over packed my suitcase because the damp air doesn’t allow our clothes to dry. My roommate hung a close line in the living room and her clothes dangle wet and limp on it three days later. Ick.

                Weather aside, Dhondulp and the kids at the center bring a lot of warmth to my day. I taught them hot potato yesterday and Ellen played Beetles tunes on her phone and they absolutely loved it. I am down to play any game with them that keeps them giggling. We are continuing to practice English every day and their enthusiasm continues to amaze me.

                I love the children but Dhondulp is the highlight of my day. He is so kind and light hearted that I can’t help but become infected with is demeanor. Yesterday I ended up staying for three and a half hours even though our lesson is supposed to be one and a half hours every day. Dhondulp showed me some documentaries in English about the struggle of the Tibetan people. It was very informative and he would often pause the movie to elaborate certain points or ask me what the narrator was saying during the really dense parts of the documentaries. Though the films were about a very depressing and “close to home” subject, Dhondulp would burst out laughing at certain parts. “Look at that man in those big glasses, he look funny!” My favorite was when the documentary was showing footage about the Tibetan soldiers training and practicing guerilla warfare and Dhondulp started laughing hysterically and said “they really do look like gorillas, of course they fight bad!” Dhondulp’s sense of humor about everything reminds me of an interview  I saw with the Dalia Lama. He was talking about how in Buddhism, one must try to find humor in the midst of all suffering. I feel like Dhondulp has mastered this almost impossible task.

                After watching our documentaries and going over Dhondulp’s homework, he gave me tea and cookies and then walked me home. It was raining so he brought a giant umbrella with all of the colors of the rainbow on it for us. I loved the way he looked in his burgundy cloth monk uniform with its yellow trim on the sleeves, his brown Adidas shoes, and his colorful rainbow umbrella in hand. To me, Dhondulp encompasses pure kindness and I already know that he will be the hardest piece of India to leave behind…

                I got home too late for yoga so I ended up reading for over an hour. The moments that Dharamsala forces me to relax, usually because the whole town doesn’t have power, always prove to be centering. After my relaxation, I braved the rain begrudgingly. By this time it was coming down in sheets and blowing slanted but we had agreed to meet our coordinator and some new volunteers on the other side of town for dinner. We all arrived dripping wet to the nicest restaurant here called Tenor. My roommates and I shared a variety of paneer, lentil, and cashew dishes. We keep asking for it to be spicy but it never is! Our coordinator said it’s because we are white and they think white girls can’t handle spicy and to show them I could I asked for a side of chili paste and loaded my plate up with it. Maybe next time he will believe the little white girl with yellow hair who just can’t get enough of spicy food!

                Reading and talking about Buddhism naturally has me thinking a lot about suffering. It’s interesting timing because in the past few weeks I’ve seen more suffering than I have in my entire 26 years of life. Though, I’ve seen the most potent amount of suffering here, I’ve also experienced and witnessed a great amount of love. While there are people living in homes made of trash, there are monks here radiating compassion and there are people I’ve met from all over the world who have traveled here to lend hands, love, experience, and inspiration. The two extremes, and they are indeed extremes compared to life at home, balance and the end result seems to be just as balanced to the smaller amount of suffering and smaller amount of compassion I feel in the suburbs at home. Though, I don’t want to make a stereotype about where I’m from because I’ve met some incredible and extremely compassionate people in the suburbs. I feel like these people should be in India with me but I take comfort knowing that they are being loving and inspirational in the place that I will return “home” to…

Kristen gets hissed at by a monkey

                Though it’s true, I got hissed at and charged at by a monkey, this weekend in Dharamsala was very low key. The power went off and on for the majority of the day so Ellie, Ellen, and I decided that we would hike to a nearby little town- Dharamkot. We heard it was smaller, quieter, and more peaceful than here. Not to say Dharamsala isn’t peaceful because it usually is, but it’s loud with all of the cars and their horns constantly honking. So, we headed in the general direction of Dharamkot, figuring that it couldn’t be too hard. It was straight up hill, a beautiful path in the trees and the clouds. We came across a little group of monkeys and I’ve been dying to take a monkey picture to share with everyone so I got brave and edged close to the monkeys. I took a few shots and then moved a little closer. One of the monkeys didn’t like this and he hissed at me and began to charge. My instinct was to run away but Ellen remembered the warnings we were given about the monkeys and said “Kristen, don’t run, just walk away fast.” So I closed my eyes, walked away, and the monkey left. Phew. So now, I’m more scared of the monkeys than I was before…. (Don’t have the pictures loaded but a photo of the monkey who charged me will be on my next post!)

                We continued on our hike up the mountain and found that the road parted in three ways. We asked a Tibetan man which way to go to get to Dharamkot and he pointed down one of the paths and we continued on our way. We were surprised that the path started to go downhill and were disappointed that we’d have to walk up a steep hill to get back home. After a walk that took longer than we expected, we approached a very loud town. We decided to stop in a coffee shop. We sat and talked about how this town was just as loud as Dharamsala, how it took way longer to get there than our roommate had told us, and how it just didn’t seem very peaceful. We finished our coffee and decided to “explore.” When we turned down the next street from the coffee shop, we found ourselves on the back side of Dharamsala. We had done a loop, missed Dharamkot and had been having coffee in Dharamsala not Dharamkot! We felt like idiots!

                So, we laughed it off. After all, it was a beautiful and calorie burning hike. We decided to try Dharamkot the following day and get lunch at the Peace Café. I enjoyed a tofu burger but accidentally ate a raw tomato slice! That is a major “no no” in India, only cooked veggies should be consumed because the water is so contaminated. So, I need all of your good tummy vibes and ju ju. It’s been 24 hours since the tomato consumption so I’m not too worried about it anymore. Plus, getting typhoid would just be another new experience, right? (Just kidding Mom, I’m fine)

                After that, I holed up in Seed, went to the book store because I’m blasting through books here,  moved to the downstairs room where I ate my rice and veggies and read all night. Sunday has been more of the same, we found the actual Dharamkot today. It was tiny and peaceful and we stayed there a while for a nice lunch while overlooking the Himalayas. On the walk down, we saw a group of about 15 monkeys. It was really sweet the way the mama monkeys carry their babies on their backs or in their arms close to them. I didn’t get near them or snap their photos, however.

                Now I’m back at Seed, overlooking Dharamsala, and thinking about how I got here. I feel like I’ve fought a lot of demons the past year. Anyone close to me knows that it’s been a year full of life changes and self-discovery. Today, however, I realized that the demons don’t need to be fought; they want to be remembered and carried with me. If I try to fight or ignore them by pushing them away, they will poke out their little pointy heads at inopportune times. They just want to be noticed and thus validated like anyone else. Today I realized that if I let them stay with me, I will remember them always but now in an appreciative manner. I picture them and say “thank you demons, you got me here, you have given me life experience and I like the road I’m on now.” I’d say, my demons and I, we have a pretty healthy relationship…

                I also have been doing some thinking about the people who, in my last year of self-discovery, have been my “rocks.” Self-discovery is the most painful growing pain I’ve even experienced in my life. Getting to know one’s own self from the inside out is horrifying and exhausting. There were times when all I could do was break down and cry from either terror or sheer pain. Every time this happened there was someone who dropped what they were doing and either held me or talked to me until I felt that the pain was manageable. This is where I would like to say thank you for helping me change my life and making me feel lovable. Mom, Jack, Nicole, Melissa, Royce, Chris B, Leon, Robin, Shane, Lori, Grammy, Stacy. Whenever I think about how I was feeling this time last year, I say thank you, thank you, thank you dear universe for those amazing people. All of you in your own way helped me get where I am right now. Where I am right now feels like the last stage of this particular healing process.  This is the part where I finish finding myself. It’s the part that I need to do alone and I am so glad that you were all on the road with me last year, walking me to India and to the town in the clouds. Namaste!

The town in the clouds

                It’s a foggy Saturday morning here in Dharamsala and the power has been out in the whole town for three hours now. Luckily I charged my laptop yesterday! I’m a little bummed that I can’t have my daily mocha latte at Café Du Ban and read emails from all the lovely people at home. But, the lack of power has given the town a slowed down vibe to it. I was out on the streets earlier and it was quieter than I’ve experienced so far. The fog often clings to this town and throughout the day I get the feeling that Dharamsala is a town in the clouds. This morning especially, the clouds seemed to drift through the streets with me and it was peaceful. Now I’m in my bed vowing to have a relaxing Saturday since I don’t have any of my projects today. I honestly cannot remember the last time I simply relaxed.

                Hopefully this post doesn’t reveal my extreme fatigue via typos or incoherent sentences. Apparently, Dharamsala wanted to keep me awake last night. Ellie and I were feeling a little restless and went out for beer. When we came home it was ten and we were both exhausted. We were sitting up chatting in our beds when I saw a mouse run across the room and take cover under the table next to my bed. Though I’ve never seen this happen, I kept picturing that the mouse was going to crawl up my curtains and jump in to my bed while I slept. So, I was awake all night listening for the mouse to scurry my way. However, I never heard the mouse. What I heard was cats fighting. Loudly. All night. When I finally fell asleep I woke up to someone throwing up in the house connected to ours. We can hear everything that they do in the bathroom because though separate houses, the bathrooms are connected and there is a huge cut out where the wall meets the ceiling.

                After a sleepless night, I ate some eggs and biscuits that our cook must have made right before the power went off and I rushed to get a mocha only to find that our house isn’t the only place without electricity, it’s the whole town. Oh well, I’m too excited to move into the room and bathroom downstairs today to let sleepiness and a lack of power get me down. I’m very glad I learned how to pee in a squat toilet, I think that skill will get me far in life. But, I’m glad that I will barely have to do that anymore as my new bathroom has a “western toilet!”

                Yesterday was pretty mild. I had a nice morning with the kids in lower Dharamsala. They loved the memory game that I brought with me. I brought my camera and they were ecstatic to get their picture taken. I was actually surprised at the excitement these photos elicited. One boy came up to me and said “you take picture and print it and frame it and we paste on the wall!?” I told him that was a wonderful idea and that I would do what I need to in order to get that photo printed. I haven’t seen anywhere here that develops photos so someone from home might need to develop it and mail it in a frame.

                After my morning at the childcare center, Ellen, Ellie, and I went to an Indian kitchen for lunch. Oh wow, it was good. We had paneer tikka masala and malai kofta. Paneer is an indian cottage cheese that holds its texture very well and is cubed and served in different sauces. Malai kofta is some sort of food ball situation. Haha, every time I have it here it tastes different. My best guess is that it’s packed cashews, cornmeal, lots of cardamom, and other crazy spices which are fried in balls and served in bowls of sauce. It has almost a sweet taste to it and tastes fabulous over rice. During lunch Dhondulp called my cell phone and said that he had to cancel our session because someone died and he had to pray. I’ll be able to find out more Monday, I hope it wasn’t someone close to him who died. So, I spent a lot of time researching and planning games and activities to do with my kids next week.

                When Ellie was done her teaching session, we went to Seed Café which is my new favorite spot. The view is incredible. It’s situated on the edge of the mountain and has giant windows that make up three of the four walls from floor to ceiling. While I’m using their wifi I often find myself distacted by the view. Mountains dotted with architecturally exotic houses, clouds drifting by and even coming in the windows, lots of lush green….  The tables sit low to the ground and are surrounded by pillows. You take your shoes off at the door. Oh how I love to be barefoot and Dharamsala provides me with so many places that I can ditch my constricting footwear! The rain that came while we were at Seed provided me with a whole new meaning for the word “deafening.” The sky just seemed to open up and want to suddenly rid itself of every drop of moisture. It came down in such thick sheets that suddenly there was nothing to be seen beyond the windows of the café. The water pounded furiously on the tin roof and Ellie and I just kept looking at each other because the noise was so loud that we weren’t even going to try to talk over it.

                After about an hour, the clouds dispersed and we were able to get home without getting wet. We found ourselves home just in time for another dinner of rice and veggies. I went upstairs and scarfed down some peanut butter…

I look like a dirty hippie :)

                Today was the rainiest day I’ve experienced during my monsoon season stay in Dharamsala. It rained all night and I woke up torrential down pouring. Everything is so damp and humid here. It’s not very hot, especially compared to Delhi. The girls that came with me here to Dharamsala and I always joke about how hot the “Delhi girls” must be right now. Today we were reminiscing on our week in Delhi and concluded that it was a little bit traumatic- to the mind, body, and spirit. It’s not like trauma is necessarily bad, right? It pushes us along down our path. It helps you grow and serves as a reality check. I wouldn’t trade my experience in Delhi for anything and I also wouldn’t choose to relive it….

                Ellen and I took a cab to lower Dharamsala where the kids were anxiously waiting for us. Luckily, I had thrown a few supplies in my suitcase before coming to India so we had some crayons, markers, and coloring books to work with. IVHQ gave our coordinator money for a little notebook and pencil for all of the kids. So we practiced writing sentences as a group and then I took some of the older ones into a group with me. I gave them little writing prompts that when put together made a story and we sat in a circle and read them out loud. They stayed engaged the whole time and seemed to have fun with the creativity I tried to pull out of them. After that we played a handful of games before it was time for us to leave.

                Feeling a little homesick for some reason. I embrace my homesickness because it makes me realize how much love I have waiting for me in the states. I find myself longing to have iced tea on my Mom’s deck, to be hiking with Shane, to be watching Burn Notice with Jack, to be out to dinner and drinks with my sisters. The opposite of love is indifference and I’m far from feeling indifferent about anything right now. So, I’ll take it. And I’ll say thank you, thank you, thank you world for the wonderful people that I have in my life… I decided to call and wake Shane up at two in the morning his time and he so graciously got up and facebook chatted with me for an hour until I had to go to the monastery. Homesickness was a quick spurt, easily cured by time spent with Dhondulp and baked goods. Surprisingly, Dharamsala has some of the best baked goods I’ve ever had in my life. There is something I’ve discovered called the “Tibetan Special.” This delicate goodness comes in bar form on pie crust. The filling is chocolate, coconut, peanuts, and honey. Wow. I ate one on my way to the monastery and brought one for Dhondulp. He said it was “yummy.” The first time he ever heard the word “yummy” was from me so he keeps using it in sentences for me.

                Today Dhondulp and I chatted a lot about the Dalai Lama. It sounds like I will miss my chance to see him speak by a matter of days. Dhondulp also told me more about his home monastery in South India and what a day in the life of a monk consists of. Lots of debating, which sounds fun to watch! Dhondulp said he’ll make sure I get to watch monks debate before I have to leave. Dhondulp does a lot of studying and since he has his PHD, studying consists of whatever he desires. For now, he has an Enlgish teacher (me) and a Chinese teacher every day. Every night he writes in two diaries. One in which he records every detail of what happened in his day, in case he needs to ever refer back. He said he’s been doing this since he learned to write. The other, he writes about his impressions, thoughts, and people encounters in Dharamsala. After writing in his diaries, Dholdulp told me that he studies his English and Chinese for hours. This is his vacation schedule, don’t forget.

                I asked Dhondulp if he was sure he wanted homework and he said “that’s right.” He always uses the phrase “that’s right” instead of “yes.” I love it.  I assigned him a page in his grammar book and then I also assigned him to write a paragraph about his favorite memory. He repeatedly thanked me for giving him homework. He then asked me to write an example about my favorite memory. Being put on the spot, I jotted down four quick sentences about the time my mom set up a Winnie the Pooh train on the kitchen table so that I’d find it on the morning of my fifth birthday. He said “oh, that is such a beautiful paragraph, thank you so much.” I just love how eager and appreciative Dhondulp is when it comes to learning English. It’s so very refreshing and good for my soul.

                On my way home from the monastery, I caught a full bodied glimpse of myself in a shop window. Um, family and friends at home might not recognize me. I’ve found it’s easiest in this humidity to keep my hair in braids. I don’t even have a hair dryer with me so my hair frizzes a bit around my face. And make up, no way man. The pants that everyone wears here are funky, flowy and so very light. I want the whole experience so yes I was wearing crazy pants and a t shirt. I saw my reflection and laughed.  A lot of people are used to Kristen with blow dried hair, make up, and outfits that have at least a little thought put into them. Yeah, that Kristen definitely got left back in Colorado and I’m loving this escape from vanity. Honestly, this may be a permanent change…. And no, I’m not coming home with dreads in my hair, India can’t change me that much…….

                After spending some refreshing time with Dhondulp, I went home and changed and headed with some of the girls to yoga. I can’t believe that I’ve gone two weeks without yoga in my life! At home it keeps me so centered. The class was 100 rupees  (two dollars) for a two hour class. The yoga at my studio at home is 15 dollars…. The class was mind blowing. I loved the flow (though the teacher was a little hard to understand) and then we did more paranayamic (Barbara I don’t know how to spell this word, help!)  breathing exercises than I have ever done in my life. The last 20 minutes of class the teacher did some sort of chant and I don’t know where Kristen went off to in those last 20 minutes. I wouldn’t’ call it asleep.  All I know is that I left that yoga studio feeling completely stoned…

                Dinner was more veggies and rice. Is it bad that I’m already excited to never have veggies and rice again? Followed by another evening at one of the many roof top bars here. I felt sort of old tonight. I know that 26 is far from old but I found myself observing the bar scene instead of partaking in it. The whole time I was there I just wanted to be back at my room writing my blog and reading my book. Maybe it’s not old maybe my introverted self just needed some alone time? All I know is I smell like cigarette smoke and I want something other than Kingfisher beer. Missing Boulders fabulous breweries right about now…

                Other than being full of Tibetan and Indian boys, the bar scene is exactly the same as the one back home. As the night progresses, girls get louder and boys become more abrupt. A little later dancing breaks out. People smoke cigarettes who normally wouldn’t if they weren’t buzzed. Conversations get deeper to the drunks and the sober ones laugh at the heartfelt shallowness. I guess I just wasn’t feeling it tonight. I’m not one of the most social creatures and honestly tend to often enjoy the company of my thoughts more than other people. I used to try to force a little more social behavior out of myself but now I just kind of go with it and bask in my alone time J