Soul Expressions

                What I am experiencing today is a sunny Sunday! On Friday, I was so frustrated with the rain and I told Dhondulp how much I longed for sunshine. He joked that he would pray for sun for $5 an hour. Well, I had patches of sun yesterday and entire day of it today. This morning I texted Dhondulp thank you for the sunshine and asked him how much I owed him. He found this very funny and we kept laughing about it at lunch today.

                The girls and I decided to walk to a nearby town called Baghsu and hike to a waterfall there. After breakfast we set out in good spirits and I kept turning my face to the sun to let it engulf me. The town of Baghsu was bigger than we expected and the hike to the waterfall was gorgeous. The trail was full of goats and the sun lit up just how lush and emerald green everything is here. When I got to the top I felt overjoyed by the way the waterfall’s mist hit my face. I was in too good of a mood to even let all of the men taking photos and videos of us bother me today. I pictured them saying to each other “screw the waterfall, there are white girls here,” and I giggled alone to my private joke.

                After an entire morning of walking I met Dhondulp and four of his friends for lunch. We went to a restaurant on the roof of a hotel and absorbed more sunshine as well as the beautiful town below us. Dhondulp always orders me so much food. I ordered tofu and he added veggie momos and all sorts of drinks to my lunch. I wonder how our table appeared to any outsiders. A white girl at a table with five monks and too much food. It was nice to get to know Dhondulp’s close friends and hear him fill them in on my life. Dhondulp walked with me part of the way after lunch and I thanked him for inviting me to lunch and I told him that he was my best friend in Dharamsala. He said “thank you Kristen, I will never forget that.” There are so many moments that I’m experiencing here that I wish I could put in a jar and have a collection of memories in jars to share and to savor.

                After lunch, I realized that I badly needed some alone time. At home, I’m used to spending hours of alone time a day. I require it. Here, finding time to myself is a challenge. So, I decided to walk Dharamsala’s inviting streets with no destination and sat at a café for over an hour by myself and sipped on chai. I then stopped at one of the little book stores and allowed myself to take as long as I wanted to peruse every book that caught my eye. I’ve been blasting through books here and bought The God of Small Things before returning home. When I got home there was a note from the other girls that they had gone to yoga so I ended up having the house to myself to journal for almost two hours! Now I’m feeling quite centered and content.

                Call us crazy but we went back to the lion man’s performance tonight. Because last night’s performance took place without music or light, he told us we could all come back tonight for free. We were drawn back mostly because without power we didn’t get good photos or videos and thus we didn’t have good proof that the lion man was real, that his show exists. So, we went back to take footage and photos. It was really fun watching people’s reactions tonight. We knew what to expect but everyone else was in for a big treat. The only thing that changed in this show was that he dropped an old woman on to the floor and the thud caused my hand to fly to my mouth. As bizzare as the show is, I’m surprised that everyone just lets it happen. Everyone lets this man crawl in to their personal space and put his sweaty face against theirs. I’m in awe that people seem to always give in to the performer so easily, no matter what that performer is doing.

                Dinner was waiting for us when we got home. Tonight it was bread and veggies instead of rice and veggies! I skipped the bread and had a candy bar and veggies. I can’t wait to go home and get my hands in the kitchen and to feed my body whole and raw foods. Guacamole, quinoa, and raw veggies with hummus are at the top of my list. Oh, and apples!               

                During my alone time today I did a lot of thinking about creative outlets. To me, creative outlets are medication when I’m off center and my saviors when I need saving. I feel like creativity is the way in which the soul expresses itself so from now on I am going to call my creative outlets “soul expressions.” I can feel when my soul is restless and is dying to be expressed. I feel grumpy, sad, numb, or foggy minded. I am learning the signs and I know when I need to drop what I’m doing to let my soul ooze out and take control of its expression and let it admire itself and see what it looks like when released in to the world. I love that soul expressions are different for everyone. My mom loves to let her soul become color on a canvas (or a piece of cardboard). Jack likes to let his soul out when he’s in his garage and his soul becomes tangible in projects around the house. I’ve heard Shane’s soul come out when he sings and plays his guitar. I’ve watched jewelers twist their souls into tiny pieces and slip their souls on to their fingers or let their soul dangle from their ears. Once I watched a woman splatter her soul all over a wall and her soul was able to stop people in their tracks and view it as a mural. Personally, I like to put my soul’s expression in to words and build those words in to entire thoughts. Some days my soul would rather form itself in to different shapes and sizes with wet clay.

I feel sad when people don’t let their soul out because they haven’t found their method of soul expression. When I meet people who are ugly in their actions and dark in their words, my first thought is that they can’t help it, their soul is locked up and screaming to get out so of course a person is going to feel unhappy. I often wonder what I can do to help them find their own method of soul expression but the intention comes up short, I really don’t know. All I can do is compile a list of my personal soul expressions and the soul expressions that I have witnessed in others. Maybe I can then show the locked up souls the list and see if something whispers to that place inside of them and their soul may see a sliver of light in which it can wiggle through and journey in to a beautiful world of creativity and freedom.

Lion man

                Today, Dharamsala was especially kind. For the first time in two weeks, I saw moments of sunshine. Yes, these moments were followed by heavy rain and power outages but I saw the sun and blue sky, I swear! We started the morning off with a mist filled hike up a lush hill to a temple. The temple offers hour long guided meditations every morning and since we always have our projects during the week, we were excited to go this morning. The teacher had a very soothing voice and took our minds through many relaxation exercises before the actual meditation. The meditation was comparable to a massage for my brain. After we left the temple, Ellie, Ellen, and I felt quiet and relaxed. We ate brunch at a Dharamkot café on the hillside that overlooks the vast green country side and the beautiful Himalayas. I find that we are finally close enough to open up to each other and it feels like there are no guards, no trying to be anything but ourselves. We have some very meaningful and deep conversations quickly followed by inside jokes and lots of laughing. I really feel at home in India today…

I did a little shopping for my people at home. In one week from today, I will be leaving Dharamasala to travel to some new parts of India. I’m so excited to see exotic new places but leaving Dhondulp will be very hard. My best friend, the person I laugh with the most in Dharamsala is a monk. That, I would have never guessed. Yesterday, he had me meet him at a restaurant so I could meet one of his friends, another monk. We were the loudest, goofiest table in the restaurant.  I told them that I had no idea monks were so funny and Dhondulp said he didn’t know English teachers were so funny. Our conversation danced all over the restaurant from secret agent and horror movies (my monk watches action or horror movies every night) to food to giving each other nicknames. When Dhondulp introduced me to his friend, he told him that I was one of them, that I am going to become a monk. I said “ yup I’m shaving my head!” His friend thought it was really funny and said “you two are exactly the same!” So he calls me the same nickname that he calls Dhondulp. Dhondulp gets joy out of introducing me to his friends as his “funny teacher.” He’s invited me out to lunch with some of his friends tomorrow (Sunday) even though Sunday is not a class day.

So, the highlight of my Saturday is not the hike, the meditation, the shopping, or my nap today. Nope, it’s “The Tibetan Dance Performance” we went to. There is a man who stands on the street in the mornings and hands out fliers and everyday he’s wearing the same red star shaped sunglasses. We’ve been accumulating his fliers for this dance performance and then were told by the girls from London that we have to go see it. They laughed when they made us promise to go see it so we knew we were in for something a little weird. Well, we got there, paid our 150 rupees along with thirty other people and took our seats on white cushions on the floor. The man came in, introduced himself as the lion man, and though it was evening, he still had on his red star shaped sunglasses. We quickly learned that this was going to be a one man performance and he opened with telling his story about how he made the dangerous and long journey from Tibet to India. So far, it was pretty normal. Then he said he would proceed to the first dance. It wasn’t necessarily the dance that was odd, it was the fact that the power was out and that he did the first dance to no music and in the dark. It was a little weird to watch but I figured that it was even weirder to be the dancer without music so I thought to myself, “this isn’t too bad.”

The second dance was another traditional one in the dark and just consisted of a lot of spinning. The lion man then announced that it was time for the second act of his show. Again, he explained that normally this act too would take place to music but proceeded anyway. He dropped down on to the floor, crawled up to a woman in the first row and put his face against hers and looked her in the eyes. He then crawled over to the next woman and did the same. The next person in the row happened to be a 10 year old girl who tried to back away from the sweaty lion man’s invasive face and he just followed her with his body so that he ended up on top of her. Um, if I was this child’s mother I would have beat his ass but the mother just giggled uncomfortably and the 10 year old didn’t seem too disturbed. I was hoping that he was only going to do this to the front row. But, no, he crawled over some people to get to the second row which I happened to be in. When he put his face against mine I just hid my head on Ellen’s shoulder until he crawled away and made the rest of the crowd uncomfortable.

 Once he got this out of his system, he then proceeded to bring pairs of people to the front of the room and put them on his shoulder and spin them. Please keep in mind there is still no music, only the sound of his shuffling feet, his heavy breathing, the crowd’s nervous giggles, and people saying “don’t drop me” or “I’m going to throw up.” Thank goodness he didn’t try to get me up there because it would have been a brawl. However, he did make three girls come up front and he looked at one of them and said “sit on my head.” That quote is so obscure that the girls and I have been saying it to each other all night. I do have to give him a little bit of credit though, he really did pick all three of them up at once before dropping them all to the ground in a heap. After this little trick, the lion man then announced that it was time for the last part of the show, an interpretive dance about how he got to Tibet. At first it consisted of a lot of spinning and maneuvers on the ground. Then, he stood up, took off his shirt, tied it around his face and started spinning wildly around the room. In the process, he almost stepped on a few of his audience members even though half had left by now. He also knocked over a candle he had lit on the floor but since it was a concrete room it didn’t seem to be detrimental. After a stint of wild spinning, he removed the shirt from his face and started running wildly around the room and throwing himself into walls and on to the floor. Finally he stopped and said “thank you for coming tonight.” I honestly don’t think the dance would have been any less weird with the actual music and we all walked out of the room in shock. Still in shock from what I saw, I don’t know what else to say so I will leave you with images of the lion man. I’m going to go to bed and hope that he doesn’t spin in to my dreams tonight….

Enjoying life

                Still raining but by now I guess that goes without saying. It seems like everyone is bailing on this town because of the dreary weather as it has been relatively quiet here. The kids were in high spirits today because it’s an Indian holiday. Sisters tie “Rakhi” on their brother’s arms. Rakhi are bracelets intertwined by all sorts of colored string and beads. In return, brothers promise to protect their sisters from harm. The little boys were so proud of their Rakhi and showed them all proudly to me. One little boy had one that lights up, so fancy! Because I was so interested in learning about their holiday, the kids gave me Rakhi as well which I will proudly wear until it falls off.

                After practicing our new words in simple sentences, the teacher showed me a very intricate henna tattoo that she had on her hand. She said “I brought some so I could give you a matching one.” There was no way I was going to turn that down! She told the kids to play ball and she took my hand in her lap and made beautiful art on it. I love it! I think it takes a week or so to wash off and I’ll be sad to see it go. She had one of the older kids take pictures of her and I with our matching henna tattoos. She is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever met….

                Dhondulp and I continue to have conversations that make my day. Yesterday’s topic was finding ways to enjoy life. Dhondulp told me that he thinks that the Tibetan culture is backward when it comes to this. He said it’s in their nature and a norm for them to work every day. Enjoying one’s day comes second. He said he was so glad to meet me and see that there is someone who puts enjoying life first. I told him that I do something every day to enjoy and live my life in a fulfilling manner. In fact, I have a list that I refer to and choose something from when I feel like I’m in a “rut.” So, for Dhondulp’s homework I told him that he has to make a list, in English, of his ten favorite ways to enjoy life. He said it was his favorite homework ever. Then he looked me in the eyes and said “Kristen, never stop enjoying life.” I said I wouldn’t. “Promise me,” he said. I told him that I promise. I think breaking a promise to a monk would be ultimate bad karma so I better stay on this beautiful road that I find myself on….

                Sidebar, people in India are fascinated by Obama. Dhondulp is as well. He seemed to be in the mood to talk politics and had all sorts of questions about Obama and American government. Not being, terribly in to politics, I tried to answer all of his questions. He also likes to talk about “the black man.” Black people are super rare here in India and everyone seems to be so fascinated by them. Dhondulp says he loves the way they sing.

                I try not to overwhelm Dhondulp with my questions on Buddhism and a monk’s life so I pick a few a day. Today I asked why monks don’t drink and Dhondulp answered my question with this story:

                A monk is walking down the road when he comes across a beautiful lady. She tells him that he has no choice but to pick one of three choices. 1. Kill the sheep next to her. 2. Make love to her. 3. Drink alcohol. The monk thought killing a sheep would be really bad so he didn’t choose that. Monks take a vow of celibacy so he definitely couldn’t choose the lady. Monks aren’t supposed to drink but since he had no choice, drinking an alcoholic drink seemed like the best choice. So he drank the drink and lost his focus and the control of one’s mind that monks need. After drinking he decided to make love to the lady and kill the sheep.

                Fair enough. We then moved on to a conversation in which we compared zodiac signs to the Tibetan star signs. Dhondulp had just learned that he was a Virgo and I was trying to explain horoscopes which are a lot different than how Tibetans interpret astrology. He was fascinated by the fact you can read your horoscope every month and it will always be something different. Both zodiac signs and Tibetan star signs have characteristics for each separate one but the Tibetan star signs don’t have horoscopes that change constantly to give advice about the future.

                The evening here remains pretty low key. Our little group has made friends with three other volunteers- a couple from Washington and a guy who is traveling with them who is also from Washington. We played cards until midnight last night. A slightly complicated game called “thirteen” which took me a bit to get the hang of but now that I understand it, I see why they are so addicted to it and apparently they play it all day every day.

                Because of all of the dampness, I think Dharamsala has given me a cold. I’m not feeling well at all today but I have the weekend to recuperate and get my energy back to teach my kids and monk!

Routine

                Settling into a routine is nice and the lack of new stimuli leaves me more time to spend with my thoughts. I dig it. Myself and I are really getting to know each other. I’ve been doing a lot of journaling and hours of reading. The rain hasn’t stopped since Sunday so I find myself spending more time in my room than last week. My bed has become my slice of home in India. I have my flannel wearing aardvark, my books, my beautiful red journal, my phone, my ipod, and my laptop all within reach while I make room for myself in my tiny twin bed. I try to stay out of the living room now because some of the girls hung up their laundry in there and the damp air is not conducive to drying clothes. So, the living room smells sour and I’m not going to be the one to break the news to them….

                Because I’m establishing a routine, my days consist of more of the same. Thanks to my wonderful friend at home, Catherine, I had a very successful day of teaching English to my little Indian kids. They stayed engaged and wrote some very creative sentences. Today poor Ellen was sick so I taught by myself which is a bit of a challenge when your class ranges from 6 to 12 year olds. I feel like it went well and I put my best effort and my heart into it and no one can ask for more than that! I taught them “If You’re Happy and you Know it” and the LOVED IT. Ah, they are just too cute. We have enough simple games in our repertoire now that I let them request games and I don’t hesitate to move on when they get restless or rowdy.           

                After my kids, I alwys enjoy a peaceful lunch break with myself or with some of the other volunteers before I head to the monastery. Today, a cow had made its way into the hall by my monk’s room and was taking a nap, sheltered from the rain. At first, I just walked right by it. That’s when I realized I’m starting to assimilate to some of India’s norms. If there was a cow sleeping in a hall at home, people would be freaking out! I had to laugh at this and take the cow’s picture.

                Every day that I spend with Dhondulp fulfills me. Today he told me that when he was in New York, he was trying to dial out of the country. Well, one of India’s national codes or area codes starts with 91. Dhondulp dialed out incorrectly and ended up calling 911 not one, not two, not three, but four times. He told me that the operator finally said “what the hell do you want!?” Dhondulp kept asking for someone named Suri. When the operator answered he kept asking “are you Suri’s uncle? Are you Suri’s father?” Dhondulp had me in hysterics while I sad across from him on my cushion on his floor. He looks at me and said “Kristen, I was big confused! But don’t worry, I learn now!” Love that man…. He also decided that we had to go to his favorite café so that I could try his favorite coffee, quiche, and lemon cake. So, we did our lesson in the café today where he called his cousin to come join us so that she could meet me. I thought it was sweet that he’d introduce a family member to his English teacher. When she left, I said “Dhondulp, your cousin is beautiful.” He just said “I don’t think so….”

                After my projects today I decided that after four days, it was time to take a shower. Big mistake. As soon as I got wet the water turned cold and the water pressure started to rapidly decline. So trying to hurry, I rushed through shampooing and rinsing and when my hair was clean I started to soap up. As soon as I was ready to rinse off, the water stopped completely. So, not only am I shivering but I’m covered in soap. The rest of my bathing process had to take place using the even colder water from the sink. My goodness, I’m getting so many new experiences here!

                After recovering from shower hypothermia, the group of us braved the rain and went out with another group of volunteers to an Italian restaurant. It was actually pretty good. However, I find myself only craving Indian food all day everyday as if my palate was just made for this country! It’s funny, for some reason I expected India to be so different that it would seem like another world. Don’t get me wrong, there are aspects that are drastically different. However, humans are humans no matter where in the world they live or find themselves. Though I’m in a country completely different from my own, I observe the families, couples, people, friends, etc around me and I realize that I’m not as far from home as I thought. Families are out to dinner together, couples hold hands, friends laugh and try to push each other into the gutter, girls giggle as they share an umbrella with each other in the rain, toddlers cry for their mamas when they trip on the street, some people look forlorn, and others smell like loneliness.  That’s all part of the human condition. Every human condition no matter where you are and it comforts me because no matter where I am, I know that I will always be able to find someone to relate to…

Rain, rain, go away....

                Apparently the monsoon officially hit yesterday. Not only is the power off about half of the time but this also means that every time I leave my house in my raincoat and carrying my umbrella, I still get soaking wet. I walk everywhere here and am just trying to accept and get used to the fact that I will just be damp for the next two and a half weeks. Good thing I over packed my suitcase because the damp air doesn’t allow our clothes to dry. My roommate hung a close line in the living room and her clothes dangle wet and limp on it three days later. Ick.

                Weather aside, Dhondulp and the kids at the center bring a lot of warmth to my day. I taught them hot potato yesterday and Ellen played Beetles tunes on her phone and they absolutely loved it. I am down to play any game with them that keeps them giggling. We are continuing to practice English every day and their enthusiasm continues to amaze me.

                I love the children but Dhondulp is the highlight of my day. He is so kind and light hearted that I can’t help but become infected with is demeanor. Yesterday I ended up staying for three and a half hours even though our lesson is supposed to be one and a half hours every day. Dhondulp showed me some documentaries in English about the struggle of the Tibetan people. It was very informative and he would often pause the movie to elaborate certain points or ask me what the narrator was saying during the really dense parts of the documentaries. Though the films were about a very depressing and “close to home” subject, Dhondulp would burst out laughing at certain parts. “Look at that man in those big glasses, he look funny!” My favorite was when the documentary was showing footage about the Tibetan soldiers training and practicing guerilla warfare and Dhondulp started laughing hysterically and said “they really do look like gorillas, of course they fight bad!” Dhondulp’s sense of humor about everything reminds me of an interview  I saw with the Dalia Lama. He was talking about how in Buddhism, one must try to find humor in the midst of all suffering. I feel like Dhondulp has mastered this almost impossible task.

                After watching our documentaries and going over Dhondulp’s homework, he gave me tea and cookies and then walked me home. It was raining so he brought a giant umbrella with all of the colors of the rainbow on it for us. I loved the way he looked in his burgundy cloth monk uniform with its yellow trim on the sleeves, his brown Adidas shoes, and his colorful rainbow umbrella in hand. To me, Dhondulp encompasses pure kindness and I already know that he will be the hardest piece of India to leave behind…

                I got home too late for yoga so I ended up reading for over an hour. The moments that Dharamsala forces me to relax, usually because the whole town doesn’t have power, always prove to be centering. After my relaxation, I braved the rain begrudgingly. By this time it was coming down in sheets and blowing slanted but we had agreed to meet our coordinator and some new volunteers on the other side of town for dinner. We all arrived dripping wet to the nicest restaurant here called Tenor. My roommates and I shared a variety of paneer, lentil, and cashew dishes. We keep asking for it to be spicy but it never is! Our coordinator said it’s because we are white and they think white girls can’t handle spicy and to show them I could I asked for a side of chili paste and loaded my plate up with it. Maybe next time he will believe the little white girl with yellow hair who just can’t get enough of spicy food!

                Reading and talking about Buddhism naturally has me thinking a lot about suffering. It’s interesting timing because in the past few weeks I’ve seen more suffering than I have in my entire 26 years of life. Though, I’ve seen the most potent amount of suffering here, I’ve also experienced and witnessed a great amount of love. While there are people living in homes made of trash, there are monks here radiating compassion and there are people I’ve met from all over the world who have traveled here to lend hands, love, experience, and inspiration. The two extremes, and they are indeed extremes compared to life at home, balance and the end result seems to be just as balanced to the smaller amount of suffering and smaller amount of compassion I feel in the suburbs at home. Though, I don’t want to make a stereotype about where I’m from because I’ve met some incredible and extremely compassionate people in the suburbs. I feel like these people should be in India with me but I take comfort knowing that they are being loving and inspirational in the place that I will return “home” to…

Kristen gets hissed at by a monkey

                Though it’s true, I got hissed at and charged at by a monkey, this weekend in Dharamsala was very low key. The power went off and on for the majority of the day so Ellie, Ellen, and I decided that we would hike to a nearby little town- Dharamkot. We heard it was smaller, quieter, and more peaceful than here. Not to say Dharamsala isn’t peaceful because it usually is, but it’s loud with all of the cars and their horns constantly honking. So, we headed in the general direction of Dharamkot, figuring that it couldn’t be too hard. It was straight up hill, a beautiful path in the trees and the clouds. We came across a little group of monkeys and I’ve been dying to take a monkey picture to share with everyone so I got brave and edged close to the monkeys. I took a few shots and then moved a little closer. One of the monkeys didn’t like this and he hissed at me and began to charge. My instinct was to run away but Ellen remembered the warnings we were given about the monkeys and said “Kristen, don’t run, just walk away fast.” So I closed my eyes, walked away, and the monkey left. Phew. So now, I’m more scared of the monkeys than I was before…. (Don’t have the pictures loaded but a photo of the monkey who charged me will be on my next post!)

                We continued on our hike up the mountain and found that the road parted in three ways. We asked a Tibetan man which way to go to get to Dharamkot and he pointed down one of the paths and we continued on our way. We were surprised that the path started to go downhill and were disappointed that we’d have to walk up a steep hill to get back home. After a walk that took longer than we expected, we approached a very loud town. We decided to stop in a coffee shop. We sat and talked about how this town was just as loud as Dharamsala, how it took way longer to get there than our roommate had told us, and how it just didn’t seem very peaceful. We finished our coffee and decided to “explore.” When we turned down the next street from the coffee shop, we found ourselves on the back side of Dharamsala. We had done a loop, missed Dharamkot and had been having coffee in Dharamsala not Dharamkot! We felt like idiots!

                So, we laughed it off. After all, it was a beautiful and calorie burning hike. We decided to try Dharamkot the following day and get lunch at the Peace Café. I enjoyed a tofu burger but accidentally ate a raw tomato slice! That is a major “no no” in India, only cooked veggies should be consumed because the water is so contaminated. So, I need all of your good tummy vibes and ju ju. It’s been 24 hours since the tomato consumption so I’m not too worried about it anymore. Plus, getting typhoid would just be another new experience, right? (Just kidding Mom, I’m fine)

                After that, I holed up in Seed, went to the book store because I’m blasting through books here,  moved to the downstairs room where I ate my rice and veggies and read all night. Sunday has been more of the same, we found the actual Dharamkot today. It was tiny and peaceful and we stayed there a while for a nice lunch while overlooking the Himalayas. On the walk down, we saw a group of about 15 monkeys. It was really sweet the way the mama monkeys carry their babies on their backs or in their arms close to them. I didn’t get near them or snap their photos, however.

                Now I’m back at Seed, overlooking Dharamsala, and thinking about how I got here. I feel like I’ve fought a lot of demons the past year. Anyone close to me knows that it’s been a year full of life changes and self-discovery. Today, however, I realized that the demons don’t need to be fought; they want to be remembered and carried with me. If I try to fight or ignore them by pushing them away, they will poke out their little pointy heads at inopportune times. They just want to be noticed and thus validated like anyone else. Today I realized that if I let them stay with me, I will remember them always but now in an appreciative manner. I picture them and say “thank you demons, you got me here, you have given me life experience and I like the road I’m on now.” I’d say, my demons and I, we have a pretty healthy relationship…

                I also have been doing some thinking about the people who, in my last year of self-discovery, have been my “rocks.” Self-discovery is the most painful growing pain I’ve even experienced in my life. Getting to know one’s own self from the inside out is horrifying and exhausting. There were times when all I could do was break down and cry from either terror or sheer pain. Every time this happened there was someone who dropped what they were doing and either held me or talked to me until I felt that the pain was manageable. This is where I would like to say thank you for helping me change my life and making me feel lovable. Mom, Jack, Nicole, Melissa, Royce, Chris B, Leon, Robin, Shane, Lori, Grammy, Stacy. Whenever I think about how I was feeling this time last year, I say thank you, thank you, thank you dear universe for those amazing people. All of you in your own way helped me get where I am right now. Where I am right now feels like the last stage of this particular healing process.  This is the part where I finish finding myself. It’s the part that I need to do alone and I am so glad that you were all on the road with me last year, walking me to India and to the town in the clouds. Namaste!

The town in the clouds

                It’s a foggy Saturday morning here in Dharamsala and the power has been out in the whole town for three hours now. Luckily I charged my laptop yesterday! I’m a little bummed that I can’t have my daily mocha latte at Café Du Ban and read emails from all the lovely people at home. But, the lack of power has given the town a slowed down vibe to it. I was out on the streets earlier and it was quieter than I’ve experienced so far. The fog often clings to this town and throughout the day I get the feeling that Dharamsala is a town in the clouds. This morning especially, the clouds seemed to drift through the streets with me and it was peaceful. Now I’m in my bed vowing to have a relaxing Saturday since I don’t have any of my projects today. I honestly cannot remember the last time I simply relaxed.

                Hopefully this post doesn’t reveal my extreme fatigue via typos or incoherent sentences. Apparently, Dharamsala wanted to keep me awake last night. Ellie and I were feeling a little restless and went out for beer. When we came home it was ten and we were both exhausted. We were sitting up chatting in our beds when I saw a mouse run across the room and take cover under the table next to my bed. Though I’ve never seen this happen, I kept picturing that the mouse was going to crawl up my curtains and jump in to my bed while I slept. So, I was awake all night listening for the mouse to scurry my way. However, I never heard the mouse. What I heard was cats fighting. Loudly. All night. When I finally fell asleep I woke up to someone throwing up in the house connected to ours. We can hear everything that they do in the bathroom because though separate houses, the bathrooms are connected and there is a huge cut out where the wall meets the ceiling.

                After a sleepless night, I ate some eggs and biscuits that our cook must have made right before the power went off and I rushed to get a mocha only to find that our house isn’t the only place without electricity, it’s the whole town. Oh well, I’m too excited to move into the room and bathroom downstairs today to let sleepiness and a lack of power get me down. I’m very glad I learned how to pee in a squat toilet, I think that skill will get me far in life. But, I’m glad that I will barely have to do that anymore as my new bathroom has a “western toilet!”

                Yesterday was pretty mild. I had a nice morning with the kids in lower Dharamsala. They loved the memory game that I brought with me. I brought my camera and they were ecstatic to get their picture taken. I was actually surprised at the excitement these photos elicited. One boy came up to me and said “you take picture and print it and frame it and we paste on the wall!?” I told him that was a wonderful idea and that I would do what I need to in order to get that photo printed. I haven’t seen anywhere here that develops photos so someone from home might need to develop it and mail it in a frame.

                After my morning at the childcare center, Ellen, Ellie, and I went to an Indian kitchen for lunch. Oh wow, it was good. We had paneer tikka masala and malai kofta. Paneer is an indian cottage cheese that holds its texture very well and is cubed and served in different sauces. Malai kofta is some sort of food ball situation. Haha, every time I have it here it tastes different. My best guess is that it’s packed cashews, cornmeal, lots of cardamom, and other crazy spices which are fried in balls and served in bowls of sauce. It has almost a sweet taste to it and tastes fabulous over rice. During lunch Dhondulp called my cell phone and said that he had to cancel our session because someone died and he had to pray. I’ll be able to find out more Monday, I hope it wasn’t someone close to him who died. So, I spent a lot of time researching and planning games and activities to do with my kids next week.

                When Ellie was done her teaching session, we went to Seed Café which is my new favorite spot. The view is incredible. It’s situated on the edge of the mountain and has giant windows that make up three of the four walls from floor to ceiling. While I’m using their wifi I often find myself distacted by the view. Mountains dotted with architecturally exotic houses, clouds drifting by and even coming in the windows, lots of lush green….  The tables sit low to the ground and are surrounded by pillows. You take your shoes off at the door. Oh how I love to be barefoot and Dharamsala provides me with so many places that I can ditch my constricting footwear! The rain that came while we were at Seed provided me with a whole new meaning for the word “deafening.” The sky just seemed to open up and want to suddenly rid itself of every drop of moisture. It came down in such thick sheets that suddenly there was nothing to be seen beyond the windows of the café. The water pounded furiously on the tin roof and Ellie and I just kept looking at each other because the noise was so loud that we weren’t even going to try to talk over it.

                After about an hour, the clouds dispersed and we were able to get home without getting wet. We found ourselves home just in time for another dinner of rice and veggies. I went upstairs and scarfed down some peanut butter…